re-do

lately i just feel like i need a re-do...a re-do of just so much. i feel like just grabbing my kids, my hubby, my pets, and stepping back. i feel like the simple decisions i have made on a daily basis have accumulated into a life that is not representative of the life i would think i would have. i look around my house and see things in spots that i truly do not even know why they are there. i look at my clothes...are those really the image i see myself in. that is the point, i do not feel like i am being representative of ME. the way i see myself and my thoughts are truly not what i think i live. let me try to dissect it. if i could do it once, had one day, here is what i see:



wake up early before the sun rises so i can go outside and still feel a bit of the night's breeze before the morning sun brings the heat that consumes the day. sit outside reading a newspaper to know the happenings of the world...know the problems to be able to help find solutions. peacefully, drink a cup of green tea for protection and serenity. get dressed without a shower and take mabel for a walk...learn to enjoy silence. come home and prepare my family a healthy breakfast that also wakes them from the smell of yumminess! juice fresh oranges and cut fresh bread. they all run down and we eat as a family, brainstorming for wonderful ideas of what we could do with all the time we are given for the day. make a plan! we do dishes and get ready...i would like to say skip a shower, but i cannot give up that. i bathe in beautiful smells and healthy soaps. after i dry, i choose from simple handmade dresses and grab a pair of flip flops. i have to go on the computer only for a short minute to order a birthday present for a friend. i have been looking for awhile to find the perfect present and i have made up my mind...a great handmade find! it can ship wrapped, but no hurry the party is not for weeks. we spend our day together, playing, exploring the world, learning and creating. my kids walk instead of running through life. we leave to go to the outdoor market for fresh produce and the only time i have to even give my kids "the look" for the entire day is when one of them sneaks eating a strawberry in the car before we have had a chance to wash them. as the afternoon sun sets, we walk a few blocks to the dock fishing rods in tow. mabel can run free with us . owen catches the biggest fish and wyatt is thrilled. grace does a little dance and gives him a hug. we head home to make dinner---fish and fresh veggies! todd has had a busy day of painting the inside walls of our house. the colors are warm, yet clean. we can hang so many pictures of our travels---our many journeys across the country we have taken together learning about life in a way that a textbook could not teach. after dinner, we opt to fore go the baths and instead head outside for a sprinkler race...all of us. after we all splash and laugh, time to dry off, the skies are dark now. we run upstairs and happily jump in cozy beds. our decorating is simple and purposeful. everything has a place and a meaning. cleaning up is a snap. we spend an hour reading and then share with each other the magical places our stories took us. todd and i head downstairs for homemade dessert and hours of talking. no phones ring and all is quiet. we hear our children yell to us "good night" (the only yells these walls have heard today) and we run back up for one final kiss goodnight. it was a perfect day...unlike no other!



here is how it really goes:

i wake to marlo batting at the cord on the window blinds that let the morning sun in. it is already after 7am and i sneak downstairs while everyone is sleeping to try to get 5 minutes to open up the house before the troops awake. i open the refrigerator (which is in my dining room at the moment) and grab the first of too many diet cokes. i need caffeine as i tossed and turned through the night so i need to WAKE UP! i lure mabel outside and head back in to the computer to check emails. several minutes later the kids walk by...we say our good mornings and they are off to search for a computer available so they can play the video game of the week. after about an hour they switch to nintendo ds games, and i try to now lure them in to eat something for breakfast. they are not hungry, but i still make them a bagel with jelly...one is bound to not like it. not sure which one of the three, i give them all the same and then quickly remember as owen says" i don't like these remember." i think that i replace it with something else, but by lunch time he informs me that he has yet to eat. i hurry todd down out of bed as someone knocks at the door to help work in the kitchen. hurriedly, he dresses and scoots out to begin his long hours of work. i declare a day of no technology and grudgingly 3 kids begin to build legos and i am off to the shower. my cat kindly slinks past my leg to say hello. wyatt has done his job of feeding her so she is happy. i will have to make sure mabel has food...oh mabel...she is still out. i open the door and she comes in and throws me a look like "you forgot to let me in!" i feed her and then jump in the shower. this grocery store shampoo is junk, but my upside-down container of target brand shower gel smells good. i have been trying to salvage any remnants left that can possibly drip down over the past few weeks as i know it will be the last thing on my mind in one of my quick trips in to target (typically to buy a last minute birthday present---some overpriced commercialized item). i quickly dry off and tell grace she can play on the computer for 5 minutes...she has been asking my entire shower so i give in for now. i head upstairs walking past walls that need new paint and new life to them. they were painted so long ago by someone else...someone else's color choice, someone else's idea of what this house should be. i jump into my daily uniform...old jeans and a t-shirt. i hope to dry my hair, but instead throw it up in a pony tail...yes it can go up now...i had vowed to keep short hair that always falls on my neck, but it has just been too long since my last hair appt. i fold some clothes and grab something for each of the kids for the day before putting them in drawers. it is summer so playclothes are fine. we head out to find something to do. we will have fun at a beach visit or bookstore. we may pick up lunch on the way home and owen will eat in the car since he is SO hungry from no breakfast. todd is happy i brought home lunch. while the kids are at the table, we will get some of our summer homework done. they don't mind..they like it. but, one gets upset that the others have more crackers on their plate...got to get up to even it out. we spend the afternoon cleaning, playing, and organizing. we laugh. we head up for baths, reading, and bed. it was a good day, much like any other.


i have a very nice life. i am very lucky. i just feel as though everything is so standard. making a difference should not just be using re-usable bags for grocery shopping and buying organic milk. there has to be more and better. i have happy kids. they are so compassionate, yet i feel we lack passion of life. we need to find something that drives us. maybe we just need a vacation from the daily grind...7 more days and then nc here we come!